Adam Dylan Leon gets an A for creativity.  This is truly one of the most outside the box ways of achieving his goal of committing suicide I could possibly imagine.

I’ve also done this. Mmmm, tasty.  But seriously, I’d probably get sued by PETA if that was the case.

Sarah Palin’s ex son-in-law to be, Levi Johnston, admits to having safe sex with her daughter Bristol ‘most of the time.’ Moreover, thank the Lord for hard-hitting serious journalists like Tyra Banks.  (sidenote: notice the reaction of the girl on his left when he begins to claim that safe sex was always practiced)

Really? Really? What to say about this?  Well for starters, the ‘taint’ on Steven’s political career is probably all the underhanded actions he took while in office (heh heh, taint).  Second, this all seems like a big ol’ Sullivan led conspiracy between Judge and defense attorney.

In lighter news, Kal Penn of Harold and Kumar fame has left the TV series House, M.D. to join the Obama administration. A couple of things here.  Really? Yup, ok then.  Second, I wonder if he’s gonna need a look-a-like to throw off any potential threats to his life, Zeb?

Who wants to call Flo Rida?

If at first you don’t succeed…make if even more ridiculous. The Segway revolution continues its devastating march to complete and total obscurity.  C’mon guys, can we focus on making vehicles people will actually be able to and want to buy?  You seem like intelligent fellows.

Now, I’ve already talked about my lack of technological prowess; however, it may not have occurred to you that this also extends to being able to handle moderately powerful to very powerful motor vehicles.  On this past New Years Eve, I almost ended my life along with my cousin’s (David Gomez) when I ran off the road and in between trees while driving his speedy little Honda S-2000 (mind you, this was long before any alcohol was involved that day, in fact, it led to me not drinking that night at all).  Now, that’s just an S-2000, not a Ferrari or Lambo (which is blue) or any other sort of super-powered vehicular beast.  With that said, I feel this woman’s pain (so does Eddie Griffin), and I’m glad she’s alright.

Disorderly conduct and assault rampant towards the end of a ‘Stop the violence’ concert in Silver Spring, Maryland on Saturday. Knowing that crowd, I bet someone stepped on another person’s suade shoes, Woo Hah! It’s either that or it must’ve been some instigator living in the D.C. area, Zeb?

Sham-OW!!! A little late, but entertaining nonetheless.

And finally today, Here’s something to keep you in bed in order to hide that embarrassing morning erection. It looks like the new place to be is New Zealand.  Women there are forgoing all pleasantries and getting right down to business (God, I hope they’re using protection).  We’re still wondering why Bret and Jemaine left.

Remember kids, Jesus loves the little children.

-Dem David Dem

Ohio man charged with drunken driving on bar stool.

This story is built for glory: Twenty-eight-year old man from Newark, Ohio wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower. He was hospitalized with minor injuries. He told authorities that he had consumed 15 beers and that his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph. He was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. [MSNBC has video footage of the interview in case you were wondering what this dude looks like too.]

Troopers nab son, then dad on DWI charges after the father, a county coroner, had been called to pick up son’s car. You know what they say… Like Father, Like Son. I be Stuntin’ Like My Daddy!

Twitter News:

BREAKING NEWS: This just in… Twitter is gay huge. Even though I HATE to talk about Twitter, I guess it has officially blown up to Godzilla BIG proportions… and for that I am sad. Here are a couple of Twitter-related stories in the news that are semi-entertaining.

Hasheem Thabeet Plays the April Fool of March Madness. “OMG!!! Why Me? SO I Failed Drug Test… NOt GOIn To Detroit… MY Boys Do IT for ME!!!! fuckin surprise drug test!!! ahhh My Life SUCKS!!!!” Hasheem Thabeet is a Tanzanian college basketball player for the University of Connecticut Huskies playing in the NCAA Final Four game this weekend against the Michigan State Spartans.

Jennifer Aniston ended relationship with John Mayer because of his Twitter ‘obsession.’ People claiming to be friends of the actress have told Star magazine that she finished the affair after discovering Mayer, 31, spent hours on the networking website, despite telling her he was too busy to get in touch with her. Mayer apparently did not read the 10 tips on being a good Twitterer — #1 could have saved him some trouble.

Mark Cuban Fined for Referee Tweeting. No surprise here really.

Villanueva tweets before Bucks game. “In da locker room, snuck to post my twitt,” Villanueva wrote during a game against Boston. “We’re playing the Celtics, tie ball game at da half. Coach wants more toughness. I gotta step up.” Coach Skiles to Villanueva: No halftime tweets. Did you really have to be told this?

However, Villanueva did indeed “step up” and his team won the game. This kind of tight-assness from Coach Skiles is why he was fired in Chicago. I like Alvin Gentry’s approach to Shaq’s twittering during halftime much more: “If he gets 25 [points] and 11 [rebounds], he can do anything he wants,” Gentry said. “He can Twitter, he can Facebook, he can — whatever the hell the other one is, MySpace … he gets 25 and 11, he can do just about anything he wants.”

April Fools:

YouTube’s New Viewing Experience.

Rap News:

Flo Rida performs “Round and Round” on Howard Stern Show. Flo Rida pulled out a bag of $10,000 in singles and handed out wads to Howard and the crew. Flo told them to make it rain – or as he calls it now, snow:

Today’s Hotness: Slim Thug — I Run
Original Hotness: A Flock of Seagulls – I Ran (So Far Away)
Comment: I thought this was cool in GTA: Vice City

Today’s Hotness: Flo Rida — Right Round
Original Hotness: Dead or Alive – You Spin Me Round
Comment: Why are you #1 on billboard’s hot 100?

Today’s Hotness: Rick Ross — Push It To The Limit
Original Hotness: Paul Engemann – Push it to the Limit
Comment: Ok, Scarface… I get it — port of Miami thuggin’

Today’s Hotness: Eminem – Sing for the Moment
Original Hotness: Aerosmith – Dream On
Comment: Are you responsible for this?

I suppose the new rap trend today (besides the vocoder) is sampling old school 80′s songs… and I thought it was cool to sample hip-hop classics like Kurtis Blow’s The Breaks or Grandmaster Flash’s The Message.

I guess The Times They Are a-Changin’

-S